China Fatigue

I've been in denial about this for about a week now, because I didn't think that it would ever happen to me, but I think that being human, I fall prey to the normal cycles of life. In China as an expat there seem to be three general parts to the cycle, adoring China, tolerating China and being fatigued by China. Now, as a professed China afficcionado, I assumed I would hover somewhere in the adoring China area forever, but recently it seems, a country that I love so and have such admiration for its culture and history, has done everything possible to try to make me not like it. I still love my students, my Chinese friends, my daily life, and the parameters of my once in a lifetime experience, but I am exhausted by the concept of NOWISM that I think i explained earlier this year. I'm tired of being the foreign puppet in a school that now has no real interest in foreign teachers even though the name of the school is Luohu Foreign Language School. See my school used to be the best in the district according to the standardized tests that are given to each grade every year (these are the end all be all to any student's existence). Well last year they didn't perform as the best school and so, 4 of the 5 principals were fired or something and the new people in administration feel that oral English is no longer important, and stdized. test prep is what should occupy 12 hours a day, 6.5 days a week for each student. That is why I sit here on December 30 realizing that i am on vacation 2 weeks earlier than planned, b/c the school cut out oral english class for the students to prep for semester exams. I was told last Friday night, at a Christmas dinner hosted by my school that i was to test every one of my students this week, give them a grade and then i was done. It's VERY difficult to test 30 students during a 40 minute lesson and I found myself using up every spare break of both mine and the student's breaks to test. But even my grades are superficial, the other foreign teachers say that if the head teacher of the grade doesn't like my scores, they'll change them to be more appropriate (aka 7's become 8's or 9's). Haha, pretty crazy. However, I got it all done and felt relatively good about the job I did. In between all this testing I've been running around town trying to plan and arrange tickets and trips with three different people over this 6 week break. With Adam, I'm going to Shanghai and Hangzhou, with Jenny, I'm going to Chongqing and Chengdu and with mum i'm going to New Zealand, yah!!!! However, planning takes so much time!!!! I now have a profound appreciation for all the family holidays mum planned for me as a child. Then I needed to clean my apt. from top to bottom and the mop just wasn't doing a good job on the floor...so Cinderella style I washed every floor in my apt (both bedrooms, living room, bathroom and kitchen are stylin' in tile). So as I was leaving school last night about 5 (45 minutes late b/c I had to meet students after school to test) on my way to meet a friend in Nanshan to plan the details of our Chengdu trip I get a call from the secretary in my contact teacher's office and she tells me this, "uh Kristen...haha.....Mr. Yang wanted me to call you and tell you that you are moving out of your apt. tomorrow and moving into the school dorm, ok? Can you pack your things?" I came unglued. I called Mr. Yang and didn't yell but professed extreme anger, which i'm sorry to say spilled over into a few tears. I have no problem moving in to school, many teachers live at their schools, but it was the way in which it was handled....giving me 24 hours to pack and leave and creating the bigger problem of: where wiere adam and mum going to stay when they came to visit. Mr. yang said "no problem, they can stay in a spare dorm bed." I didn't know what else to do but go home and start packing. Well my two teacher friends who are also foreign english teachers (in their 50s) heard about this and came over with boxes to help me pack. i think they were more upset that me and Andy called the school and talked about this being "crap" and "unacceptable" and even threatened quitting. But at the end of the day, it was 7pm and no one was around to make and changes or give an explanation. So I packed for 5 hours, went to bed at 2 on a sheetless bed and prepared to move. I'm pretty sure I came close to having an anxiety attack, but this morning Mr. Yang came through for me. The school is allowing me to stay in my apt. until the first week of next term in feb....after all my company leaves. Somehow it all worked out. But I cannot put into words what it feels like to be an educated person trapped in a bureaucracy that is completely crass that expects things to happen at a moments notice and most of the time what they want to happen is entirely illogical.

My thought for the moment: How can a country have such deeply rooted traditions of propriety(no shoes beyond the door of the house, no boys and girls dating until they're 18, the sacredness of tea drinking) be the same country that runs itself completely devoid of courtesy.

Current Mood: Confused; I love China, but like I said, it's doing a lot to try to make me hate it.